Cuddling

(Boyfriend being super cute and cuddly)

Me: "Why are you so cuddly today?"

Boyfriend: "You're comfy."

Me: "Aww"

Boyfriend: "You're getting soft."

Me: What?

Boyfriend: "No I don't mean it that way. But aren't women supposed to carry more fat than men?"

---
+3 for almost saving it. But then just ruining everything.

Average

Boyfriend: I don't like beautiful women. I like average women. Like you.

Me: Did you just say I'm not beautiful?

Boyfriend: Yeah, well, I mean average is great! Like how someone looks after a few year of marriage and you don't care anymore? That's what you're like.  An average housewife.

--
+2 for outright saying she's just average
+2 for telling a teenager she's like a housewife
+5 because he keeps on going
Total: 9

Not the Talent

Boyfriend: You have the body to be a stripper, but not the talent.

---
+5 because we're not sure what part was supposed to be the compliment

Dobby

Boyfriend: I finally found out who you look like!

Me: Who?

Boyfriend: A prettier, less cartoonish Dobby.

---
+1 for thinking 'prettier' would fix it
+1 for him proceeding to repeat it to everyone at the party
Total: 2

Chances

Friend: "I'm gonna marry Buster Posey!"

Friend's boyfriend: "Like you have a chance with him."

---
+1 for the immediacy of the response

Comparisons

Me: [My best friend] and I went shopping today! We almost bought the same pants.

Boyfriend: There's no way. She is so skinny. She is way skinnier than you. There's no way you'd fit in the same pants as her.

Me: Um. We're the same size.

Boyfriend: No way. She's so thin. You could never fit into her clothes.

Me: We share clothes.

Boyfriend: *rolls over and goes to sleep*

---

+ 2 for being relentlessly insistent about it

+1 for bailing on the conversation with sleep

Total: 3

Words are hard

Boyfriend: "I was just talking to all my friends and they were saying how much they love skinny girls and I said I like you better"

---
+1 for later insisting he meant "scrawny"