Cuddling

(Boyfriend being super cute and cuddly)

Me: "Why are you so cuddly today?"

Boyfriend: "You're comfy."

Me: "Aww"

Boyfriend: "You're getting soft."

Me: What?

Boyfriend: "No I don't mean it that way. But aren't women supposed to carry more fat than men?"

---
+3 for almost saving it. But then just ruining everything.

Average

Boyfriend: I don't like beautiful women. I like average women. Like you.

Me: Did you just say I'm not beautiful?

Boyfriend: Yeah, well, I mean average is great! Like how someone looks after a few year of marriage and you don't care anymore? That's what you're like.  An average housewife.

--
+2 for outright saying she's just average
+2 for telling a teenager she's like a housewife
+5 because he keeps on going
Total: 9

Not the Talent

Boyfriend: You have the body to be a stripper, but not the talent.

---
+5 because we're not sure what part was supposed to be the compliment

Dobby

Boyfriend: I finally found out who you look like!

Me: Who?

Boyfriend: A prettier, less cartoonish Dobby.

---
+1 for thinking 'prettier' would fix it
+1 for him proceeding to repeat it to everyone at the party
Total: 2

Chances

Friend: "I'm gonna marry Buster Posey!"

Friend's boyfriend: "Like you have a chance with him."

---
+1 for the immediacy of the response

Comparisons

Me: [My best friend] and I went shopping today! We almost bought the same pants.

Boyfriend: There's no way. She is so skinny. She is way skinnier than you. There's no way you'd fit in the same pants as her.

Me: Um. We're the same size.

Boyfriend: No way. She's so thin. You could never fit into her clothes.

Me: We share clothes.

Boyfriend: *rolls over and goes to sleep*

---

+ 2 for being relentlessly insistent about it

+1 for bailing on the conversation with sleep

Total: 3

Words are hard

Boyfriend: "I was just talking to all my friends and they were saying how much they love skinny girls and I said I like you better"

---
+1 for later insisting he meant "scrawny"

Is that you?

Boyfriend: "You look really pretty today, I barely recognized you."

Me: "What??"

Boyfriend: "Yeah. I just saw this pretty girl walking across the street and I just didn't think it was you."

---

+2 for definitely making it better with explanation 

In the dark

Boyfriend: "You look really pretty in the dark"

---
+1 for how fun it is to turn this from being sweet to being awful.

The Car Analogy

Boyfriend: You are so different from my ex. It's like...she was a sports car. A gorgeous, expensive, rare sports car. And everyone who looked at her wanted her, and everyone is jealous of any guy lucky enough to be behind the wheel. Everyone notices her, and everybody wants her, and she's just so out of anyone's league. And when you have her, you just feel amazing and you know everyone is staring at you and wishes they were as lucky as you were.

And then there's you. You're like a nice, comfortable, used Honda. And maybe you're not as gorgeous, and maybe nobody else would ever look twice at you. And maybe most people would never want you, or understand why anybody else would. And you don't look as shiny and perfect and new. But you're comfortable. So I like you, and I'm happy with you.

---

+3 because car analogies are never a good thing.

+6 because he just keeps going.

+10 because it's supposed to be a compliment

Total: 19

Hugs

Boyfriend: Do you know why I asked you out?

Me: Aww. Because you liked me?

Boyfriend: Because I hated hugging my ex.

---
+2 for completely ignoring the "you like me?" part.